🌸 THE DAY I REALISED TECH WASN’T THE PROBLEM — MY EXPECTATIONS WERE

There was a very specific day — a Tuesday, because of course it was a Tuesday — when I sat at my desk, looked at my screen, and thought:

“Why is everything in tech so unnecessarily dramatic?”,

I wasn’t even doing anything complicated.

I was just trying to complete a simple task.

A normal task.

A task that should’ve taken 10 minutes.

Instead, it took:

✨ 3 logins,
✨ 2 password resets,
✨ 1 system update,
✨ 1 Slack message asking “quick question?”,
✨ 1 existential crisis,
✨ and a partridge in a pear tree,

And in that moment, I realised something life‑changing:

Tech wasn’t the problem.

My expectations were.

I expected tech to be logical.

I expected tech to be organised.

I expected tech to be predictable.

I expected tech to be stable.

I expected tech to behave like a grown adult.

But tech is not a grown adult.

Tech is a toddler with a sugar high.

And once I accepted that, everything got easier.

🌿 1. Tech Is Not a System — It’s a Personality.

I used to think tech was a structured, rational, well‑designed ecosystem.

No.

Tech is a personality.

A dramatic one.

Tech is:

✨ brilliant but moody,
✨ fast but inconsistent,
✨ powerful but unpredictable,
✨ helpful but chaotic,
✨ innovative but emotionally unstable

Tech is basically that friend who gives you the best advice of your life… but also forgets their own birthday.

Once I stopped expecting tech to be stable, I stopped being disappointed.

🌿 2. My ND Brain Wanted Order — Tech Wanted Vibes,

This was the real conflict.

My ND brain LOVES:

✨ clarity,
✨ structure,
✨ predictability,
✨ routines,
✨ systems,
✨ emotional safety,

Meanwhile, tech LOVES:

✨ chaos,
✨ last‑minute changes,
✨ “quick calls”,
✨ undocumented features,
✨ random bugs,
✨ spontaneous fires.

It was like trying to date someone who says:

“I’m very stable,” while setting your curtains on fire.

For years, I thought I was the problem.

But then I realised:

My brain wasn’t wrong.

My expectations were.

I expected tech to behave like me.

It never would.

🌿 3. The Personal Part: The Day I Lowered My Expectations,

It happened during a project where everything — EVERYTHING — went wrong.

The system crashed.

The documentation was outdated.

The requirements changed mid‑sprint.

Someone pushed code directly to production.

Someone else forgot to save their work.

Someone else said, “It works on my machine,” which is tech for “Good luck.”

I was stressed.

Overwhelmed.

Annoyed.

Ready to quit and become a florist.

Then I had a moment of clarity:

“What if I stop expecting this to be smooth?”

What if I expect:

✨ mess,
✨ confusion,
✨ plot twists,
✨ bugs,
✨ delays,
✨ human error,
✨ emotional chaos,

Not because I’m pessimistic — But because it’s realistic.

And suddenly?

My stress dropped.

My frustration softened.

My brain relaxed.

My nervous system unclenched.

Because I wasn’t fighting reality anymore.

🌿 4. Lower Expectations = Higher Peace

Here’s the paradox:

• When I expected tech to be perfect, I was constantly disappointed.

• When I expected tech to be chaotic, I was constantly amused.

Lower expectations didn’t make me less ambitious.

They made me less stressed.

I stopped taking things personally.

I stopped spiralling.

I stopped catastrophising.

I stopped blaming myself.

I stopped thinking I was “bad at tech.”

Because the truth is:

• Tech is not supposed to be smooth.

• Tech is supposed to be solvable.

And I’m good at solving things.

🌿 5. The Soft Girl Approach to Tech Chaos

Soft girls don’t fight chaos.

We outsmart it.

Here’s how:

✨ 1. We expect mess,

So we’re not shocked when it arrives.

✨ 2. We regulate before we respond,

Because panic never fixed a bug.

✨ 3. We ask better questions,

• “What’s the actual problem?”

• “What’s the simplest solution?”

• “Does this need to be done today?”

✨ 4. We don’t rush,

Speed is not intelligence.

✨ 5. We don’t pretend,

If we don’t understand something, we say so.

✨ 6. We don’t force productivity,

We follow energy, not pressure.

✨ 7. We don’t apologise for our pace

Soft is not slow.

Soft is sustainable.

🌿 6. The Moment I Became Unbothered

There was a day — a glorious day — when a system crashed, a meeting derailed, and someone sent me a message that said:

“URGENT!!!”

And instead of panicking, I thought:

“Of course. It’s Tuesday.”

I made tea.

I breathed.

I fixed the issue.

I moved on.

That was the day I became unbothered.

Not detached.

Not cynical.

Not numb.

Just… emotionally regulated.

Because I no longer expected tech to behave.

🌿If you’re reading this and thinking,
“I want this level of calm. I want this softness. I want this unbothered energy,” 
— Then TechShe Pulse is your space.

Every week, I share soft‑power strategies, ND‑friendly tools, and emotional‑intelligence insights for women in deep tech who want to thrive without forcing, rushing, or burning out.

You don’t need to change tech.

You just need to change your expectations.

🌿 8. The Truth: Tech Isn’t the Problem — Your Self‑Blame Is

You’re not bad at tech.

You’re not slow.

You’re not behind.

You’re not incompetent.

You’re not “too sensitive.”

You’re not “too emotional.”

You’re a woman navigating a chaotic industry with grace, humour, and emotional intelligence.

And once you stop expecting tech to be stable, you stop blaming yourself for its instability.

That’s the shift.

That’s the freedom.

That’s the soft‑power revolution.